Step by Step approach to understanding your child

Parents often have expectation on their children. (Some may say they have none, but having no expectation is not good because it brings out an impression of lack of care and concern). So some parents expect their children to go to medical school, law school, drama school, business school, run a business, and the list goes on.....

So before any parent can have any chance of positively influencing their children to do certain things in their lives, there is one thing they need to do and that is to understand their children. Here is the way to do it.

Spend time with your child as early as possible. If that's not possible, then no later than when your child starts primary school

Listen (not just hear) to your child

Talk (not instruct only) to your chid

Observe and see (not just look) your child.

Learn to feel what your child feels (being empathetic)

Accept your child unconditionally. Recognise his/her strengths and weaknesses

Get to know what they are interested in and enjoy and what they have little interest in and dislike. For example, when it comes to study, some parents who are themsellves engineers, scientists or researchers in high tech industries would like their children to be strong in the science stream subjects. If the problem is a lack of understanding in the subjects, they can remedy that by acting as physics tutor or chemistry tutor themselves. However, despite numerous effort, their children is not strong or interested in those subjects, the parents need to accept that as part of life.

Encourage him/her to develop more on his/her strengths, accepting his/her own weaknesses

You carry him/her when he/she is very small.

You lead him/her by holding his/her hands while walking the life journey.

You give guidance by showing them directions, reminding him/her about important turns in the journey, alerting and warning them about the dangers, directions and the different turns, ups and downs that they may face during their life

Praise encourage Remind

Some parents do not get too far to understand their child before their child become distant from them. The most common reason is that they have not allowed enough time for them. No children like to be with parents who are always on a rush. Another reason is often due to frequent over-criticism over the child's behavior, attitude and academic performance. This will make the child more difficult to feel the love and acceptance by their parents. A universal principle to mankind in history and across all cultures is that people love to be praised and respected. They tend to dislike, resent and even hate people who frequently give criticism, negative comments and show no respect to them. On the contrary nearly every single man loves to be praised when he has done something good. He/she also likes to be encouraged when he has put in a good effort to do certain things but fails to achieve the target or expected result. Finally, when someone has done something wrong or has not done something they should, he/she is more likely to admit his/her mistakes and make an effort to improve himself/herself in the future if he is not reprimanded, insulted or punished, but reminded instead. That is the reason why you should always praise your child when he/she has done something good, encourage him/her when he/she has tried hard but just fall short of the target and finally to remind rather than reprimand him/her when he/she has done something wrong or has omitted to do something he/she should.